Once upon a time, there was a people, and they lived. When I watched the horror stories, I never thought I’d actually live in one for 366 days. It was the kind of horror that broke and got me hooked, damaged, and got me curious about what tomorrow would look like. Not because I wanted to live and see tomorrow, but because I needed to live through the days. Tomorrow should have brought hope, excitement, a chapter better than yesterday. Tomorrow should have been better, but then tomorrow was always filled with pain, anger, disappointment, a different stage of depression, full-blown anxiety, stress disorders, suicides, murders, tomorrow was always the worst of yesterday.
When the blinding lights shine for the new year, I had hope, she had hope, we had hope, but hope slowly turned into despair. Families have ripped apart, children more orphaned, and parents more devastated. Others were sold, others stayed together to fight through the year that had promised a new day. So there was sleep, but just because staying awake thinking of what tomorrow could bring, was hopeless. It was the uncertainty that no one would ever phase-out. It was a horror to be alive at the time, but it was a life that was lived, one we would never have control of, a life we never had any particular choice in.
The live suicides were horrible, the depression letters, the people reaching out to no one in particular, the prayers that only God/Allah would answer. Domestic violence, gender-based violence. People killing each other in the name of a better tomorrow. A tomorrow that we would just be forced into since we had given up, but the Master we serve had plans for us. So hopelessly and one foot in front of the other, we stepped into chapters that were full of terror, but this time some prayers backed the community. It wasn’t all so bad, there were simply more terrors than happy times in the 366 Days of 2020
The sun did rise, the hopes did rise and while the year was a mess, a lot was achieved. Some goals were met, some lives were better, Some people were strong, and maybe that’s why there was a balance. The good and the bad, maybe they were really hoping for a balance, which is why when one overpowered the other, there was a great shift. An impact that the whole universe felt, the only downside is that a lot of damage had been done. While some died, others survived.
We survived. Not because we deserved it or were better, not because we were stronger or louder, not because we were in better positions than those who didn’t, but we survived. Maybe to tell the survivors’ tales, or to learn from what we did wrong, or maybe we survived because the rest was and is a greater power than us.
So while we are damaged as fuck, while we are broken beyond repair, while we curse the year that was supposed to be good, while we make faces at the 366 days of 2020 that were supposed to be better than the 365 days of 2019, While we hurt from it all, we survived, and it wasn’t easy.
So give YOURSELF a break.
Be nice to YOU.
Thank YOU for fighting.
And more than anything else, hold on, for you.
The war continues, we won the first battle in the worst way, but we did win in the 366 Days of 2020 that were a mix of everything.